Freshman Excited to Try Alcohol for the First Time During Mardi Gras

By Paul Sand

Has been warned "not to fuck with absinthe" 

Freshman Max Gleek of Connecticut announced to his friends this morning that he is getting “super pumped” for Mardi Gras because he believes it will provide him with his first opportunity to try alcohol. Although the reaction of Max’s friends was mixed, most seemed to agree that he would have at least one chance to partake in an alcoholic beverage during the annual week plus of parades and partying for which New Orleans is famous.

“I love Tulane,” Gleek said, “But unfortunately at this school, finding alcohol is extremely difficult. I have yet to find access to any kind of alcohol during my five months attending Tulane. Gosh-dang-it, I want a drink!”

Although Gleek, 19, is below the legal drinking age in every U.S. state, he claims that some of his high school friends have nevertheless been able to purchase or consume alcohol at their schools.

“My friend Eric goes to UConn and he sent me a snapchat chugging a beer last week,” Gleek said. “Why can’t I find any alcohol at this school or in this city?”

Gleek said that he first noticed the lack of alcohol on his first night out last August and has continued to notice it every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday night since. Gleek spent each of those nights at the Boot this fall, but since he is underage, the popular bar will not give him a wristband, preventing him from purchasing a refreshing cocktail. Now that he is a fraternity pledge, the Monroe resident spends most of his nights out with his brothers at their house on Broadway or one of their satellite houses.

“I know there are guys in the frat who drink,” Gleek admitted. “Even freshmen. But somehow I always get there at just the wrong time.” Gleek consistently shows up at his frat house just as the last few drops of alcohol were being chugged. “It’s infuriating. I always run there as fast as I can when I hear of the opportunity to drink some sweet, sweet, booze, and not once have I arrived fast enough.”

Despite these challenges, Gleek remains optimistic that one of the nine Mardi Gras parades he plans to attend will provide him with an opportunity to try a beer. He says that many of the older members of his frat have described getting “wasted” or even “trashed” during their freshman year Mardi Gras experience, and he hopes to one day be able to tell his younger frat brothers similar riveting tales.

“I’m for sure getting fucked up,” Gleek stated with confidence. “For sure.”

CurrentLara Miloslavsky